To Toy With One's Heart

To play with ones heart like a silly toy
I pull it along on puppet strings
You follow what I tell you
And you protect me as well as silly toys can
I have millions of you stupid toys, stupid boys
You stalk me with your eyes closed
Your wooden and stuffed bodies
They aren't rare to my eyes

To toy with ones mind as if it was easy
Sitting in a mind control device
You are brainwashed by my beauty
Controlled by my words
And you do as I say as if I was your queen
For that is all I am in your glazed over eyes
A simple queen, an Aphrodite
Yet I am not that beautiful

To steal all the fish from the sea
I reel you in like a small bass
You are just another meal in my eyes
I can choose to let you swim free
But I keep you on my hook
Causing you to never love another
Your love will end on my platter
For I can steal all the millions of fish with one glance
I can catch you with no need for bait
My persusion will grab any fish upon my hook


*insperation from Kurashitsuji, Hamlet, and "There are many fish in the sea"

I was meant to be alone......Right

She never knew what was right or what was wrong.
She couldn't tell the people she wanted that she wasn't worth their time
She said yes but inside she told her self she was meant to be alone

Each day she went through their words and told each one sure
Each new message meant another boy alone
Each picture she sent was someone telling her the truth she didn't believe

Her heart was torn between girls and men
Her mind would wander when ever she was with them though
Her life still revolved around seeing him

But she was meant to be alone, or so she said
But in reality even though she was alone it was more like she was dying inside
But her heart was still beating and she would still hope for tomorrow to come

His heart was not intwined with her's
His mind imagined other girls besides her
His life wasn't about her at all

So she was meant to be alone without him
So he gave her up for something he would never have again
So her life became a ruin while his was built into a fortitude that covered his weakness

And her jealousy tore her apart from the inside
And he knew that when he saw her again she wouldn't show a smile, but instead a smirk
And this jealous girl was after him, even though she had perfection in her grasp

When You're Gone

For once I wish I could be sorry
For once I wish you remembered me
If only time was slowly moving
If only you did not retreat
Who can I tell my secrets to now
Who is the person by my side
Yes that was you once indeed it was
Yes that was you when love was kind
Now you're a dream of little impact
Now I can't even speak your name
Who am I kidding, its harder now friend
Who am I kidding, to you I'm dead
I wish I could say the same about you
I wish I could act like you're not mine
But this is how I feel my lover
This is how I feel......When You're Gone

Broken and Still Alive

Covered with scratches and tears
Bandaids don't fix this
Hurt and pained but its just another cut
My heart doesn't hurt anymore

The scars on my wrists are just memories
Each cut forgotten, each memory lost
Ruined from within and smiling still
Broken and still alive.

Forever and a Day (in Progress)

I lay on the bed stripped of my clothing, staring at the ceiling. The sheets were damp and covered in blood. My mouth stood slightly open and I could taste the watered down salt that flowed from my eyes.
The camera across the room still stared down at me. People watched my chained down body through the next room their eyes glowed from the glass window. Men stood around the walls in the same room as me. They murmured and laughed at how soft and weak my body was.
My hair was spread across the chains that held me to the hospital bed within the dark room. I closed my eyes hoping it would all go away but instead I saw the events that brought me into the painful hold.

Last night was supposed to be a night to remember. My fake ID and my provocative clothes were so new to my standards. The club was just another club and it wasn't all that intriguing but it was my first. A tall sexy man wrapped around me as I danced, and he smiled as he watched me. Soon after he had taken me to this room that I now lay and stripped me down to the embarrassment of my existence, and he told me that he would give me two grand if I showed off my body for him.
It was late and I had already had a few drinks up my sleeve and it didn't seem all that harmful but it wasn't long after I crawled on top of him that I was chained down and consumed by his violence and torment. I didn't feel it, I hadn't wanted to and I forced myself to scream in rejection to his acts but it didn't help.
Men wanted the screams they enjoyed the rejection to their glory and pride, it turned them on in a way. This male characteristic was disgusting but I was forced to feel four men's pleasured eyes on me as they watched this man soak me in. I had to hold still as my dignity was stripped from me like the clothes that now lay on the floor.

and...To be loved in return

If only a single smile could prove my love to you
If only anytime I saw you it showed you how I felt
When one word out of my mouth screamed what I am begging to tell you
My only wish is to be loved in return
I don't care if you hate me for the rest of your life after this
But as long as I love you
Please love me in return
Whether it is with friendship or with romance
Please don't take advantage of my heart like all the others have

What more do you expect?

Only simple words can be whispered
It wasn't about love
Not for him
He claimed love was why he must
But is was just his idea of love
It over ruled him
His force and fear of losing me to the demons of men I surrounded myself with
But his idea of me was wrong
Those guys around me were the only guys I had
For he was only a small portion of my life
Only friends exist in my eyes and he believed that he was all I had
His world wasn't meant to include me
For I was not his Summer Queen*

*Reference to Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr

Mission Possible

If everything is possible then this is not
Than nothing must also be possible
This world is spinning around contridictions
Its made of everything and nothing
Aiming for the moon can no longer be a goal
We must aim for other solar systems
There are no limits because nothing is impossible
Yet not everything is possible
So we must make our missions possible
Someday everthing will be possible
And then we will have no more missions to run

Only Time Can Tell

Days are numbered falling off the calender with x's
Circles revolve around important dates in time
Only time can tell the secrets of a person's life
Any number one through thirty-one can be special
But only time can tell what is and isn't important
Tick-tock tick-tock slowly slipping into my mind
A burning memory of times greatest memories
Because only time remembers everything
It sees what all others can't see
It knows what no one else ever will
For only time can tell everything

P.S.

Words I had once forgotten to say
Written in ink so I couldn't erase
Not in red or black or purple
But written in a sky blue

Footnotes of memories only now remembered
Side notes of things I want to mention at that second
Dear and sincerely saying hello and goodbye
Paragraphs of lines I've been wishing to say

Questions I know won't be answered
Answers to questions I remember you asking
Pictures I always seem to see
As well as the images you sent back through the mail

Memories I hope you still remember
Many have-been's and would-have's
Things I've done and wish I hadn't
Wonders of regrets you might also have

Mess-ups and screw ups and "I fucked up's"
Problems, equations, and solutions
Theories I've been waiting to test
Conclusions to hypotheses I've been hoping to check

I love you's and miss you's
Only letters can scream through the lines
Smiles and frowns I know you will see
Hopes and tears I hope you can't notice within the words

New friends and how I've missed the old
Old friends who no longer miss me
Parents who think that everything is right
Siblings who know everything is wrong

Solid scribbles written on the faded lines
Doodles within the thick margins on the page
Cross-outs and add-ins
Scratched and rips along the strips of paper

What's happened with me
And what I want to know about you
The truth within the many lies
The fakes that only describe who I want to be

My future hopes and what I want to know about yours
Dreams and nightmares that paint my stories
The ones that flow across the letters
Letters I've sent and some written for only me to read

The words that I have only now remembered to place
In between the sincerly and the blank space at the edge of the paper
Words only a letter can contain
P.S.

Something Surrounds Me

Darkness carresses my skin
Shadows cover the floor around me
Fear slips deep into my heart
The shaking of my bones makes my body sweat
Through the halls of the empty building
Down the blood cover stairs
Only looking at the floor of shadows
Only looking for something to fill my soul with light
But only the moon saves my bruising heart from falling to the darkness